Dirty Tricks

You might think that this post, marking the turnaround of the year and documenting last year’s achievements is coming about three weeks too late. We’ve had the celebrations, contemplated the year that’s gone, made resolutions for the year ahead.

Winter - photo by Deb Lee.

Not all of us. I’m still in hibernation. Here winter surrounds the land and I am gathering my strength. I didn’t feel renewed when the year turned around. Instead of confidently proclaiming resolutions, posting about what I’d learnt last year and what I hoped to achieve for the year ahead, I felt unsure, quiet, and withdrawn. Then I read this article at Owning Pink, and it helped me understand why. Read it. What do you have to lose?

That’s why this post has come at this time – it’s arriving, similar to the manner of Gandalf, precisely when it needs to.

A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step…

Last year I travelled a lot. In addition to the journeys that I made out of necessity (commutes to work, the supermarket, the library) and out of leisure (travelling to see family, camping in Cornwall, hiking in Scotland), I moved more than just my body and relocated my home to London. After six months I decided to move again, and moved my body and those possessions that were not in storage to a little village on the edge of Northumberland.

Between foot, rail, car and van I don’t care to guestimate how many miles I’ve covered. More than some people, a couple of friends have let me know. Probably relatively few in comparison to others (my brother, for instance, is currently travelling around the world). I like to keep moving, keep experiencing, and the past year certainly has been filled with that.

As I sit here, the act of thinking about the physical journeys pushes me inwards, and I think of those journeys that we all make, that aren’t measured by a milometer but are travelled none the less.

Are we nearly there yet?

Waiting For The 11:29 (Playing I-Spy With My Third Eye) - photo by Deb Lee

Because this blog is a journal of my writing experience, I think of the journey that I continued through my writing landscape, starting 2009 with little more than 19,000 words of Dirty Tricks written and plaintive reassurances to myself that “I’ll write more, I’ll get creative, I just need to get settled, sort my lifestyle out, etc.”.

But last year between January and November I added barely a handful of words to Dirty Tricks. I didn’t get around to writing any new short stories (I rewrote a few old ones but progress was minimal). I submitted one to a magazine – it got rejected; I sent two to competitions – they didn’t get picked. I wrote one poem. The desire of trying to find paid work that utilised my creative skills fell by the wayside. In short, hardly any of the high hopes that I set out with at the beginning of the year came to fruition.

Coming from an aspiring writer, that’s not a new story. I know you’ve heard it before. My way of counteracting it? Do something crazy.

Pow! - photo by Deb Lee

Upping the ante…

We all have our mechanisms that help us grow. I’m sure that as you’re reading this you can recall a situation in which you weren’t achieving what you wanted, and took measures to remedy the situation. Some people do it gently, gradually unpicking and re-sowing the threads; some people are unable to initiate the change to allow growth, either through circumstance or fear; some people shake up their actions to an extent that causes the rest of us looking on to say: “Wow, that’s brave! – but you won’t catch me doing it.”

It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as (circumstance permitting) you do something. I (along with the other 119,000 + participants of NaNoWriMo) chose to do something that most people would deem a little bit, well,… psychotic. Write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days.

That’s what I did to drag myself out of the writing depression. After having spent 11 months of the year picking up my work-in-progress, perusing it, doodling on it with a biro and then putting it down while I went to make a cup of tea, I said “F__k it” and participated in NaNoWriMo. My aim was to add another 50,000 words to Dirty Tricks, possibly completing the first draft, and if not, to carry on until I had.

I wrote almost every day for the month of November. I wrote around a full-time job, a relationship, everyday chores (I’m a neat-freak, so that was hard) and a cat that was determined to sabotage my work. I ended November with just over 70,000 words of the story committed to the cyberspace of my hard drives, yet more Post-its scrawled upon and a fair few more square feet and characters discovered in the world that makes up Dirty Tricks.

Writing Space - Photo by Deb Lee

If you want to read about how I fared in November, you can do so here. If you want to read about how I fared after November, you will be able to do so in about a week. At the most.

It’s a choice…

I know that my writing journey from the start to finish of the year didn’t cover a huge distance, wasn’t well planned, and had an extremely dubious execution, especially when compared to many other writers (aspiring and established). Instead of getting despondent about what I hadn’t done, I looked to these other writers, and what they’re doing. They show me what it is to be productive, they tempt me with notions of what I can achieve. They inspire me to do better and show me how to accomplish it. I love that. I really do. It gets me excited, it fuels my fire and gets me itching to start moving, to continue my journey.

I can sit here, content in the knowledge that I achieved what I needed to last year. I’m not going to blame myself for not achieving as much as others at the end of the journey, I’m going to utilise what I learnt along the way.

Which was to recognise the achievements that had been made, however small I felt they may be. In whatever journeys that we undertake, we have to give ourselves the credit that we deserve for what we ACHIEVE and we cannot judge our progress against that of others. This journey is ours alone. Look at another’s progress if you must, but use it to inspire, not destroy.

How long was your journey last year? Did you achieve what you wanted? Do you feel that you completed it, or like me, are you restless and hungry for more?

Cherry Blossoms - photo by Deb Lee

“It is not the goal of the journey that is important, but the journey itself.” Anon.